FINALLY.... a summer blog!

http://summerspaces.blogspot.com/
that's it, first post already preped and polished, more posts planned and ready to spring alive.
Get the answers you've been waiting for.
What happened with Ipoly?
Are you still single?
Are sharks really that cool? (psst the answer is yes)
Thank you for sticking with me and I hope you enjoy
:D
-xoHunter

This is the End.

Hello Friends.
So today  I have one day of sophomore year left.
This one was a doosy
I have been grounded, I've lost friends, made friends, made enemies, found out that teachers are never as evil as we make them out to be and I've done some growing up.
It all started with an amazing first week and the challenge to blog everyday this year.
I didn't hit the mark on that one. And that's what this year has been. Hit or Miss.
One big game of chance. And I'm tentative to say I came out the winner.
This has been a weird experience. Everyone has become more human, and situations have taken on a new charm. Honestly I don't think everything that's happened this year has been bad. I've become a new person. All about attempting to be me.
So with all that in mind here's next years forecast.
* I'm staying at Ipoly! (this is a very long and complicated explanation that might be updated on my new blog maybe. I don't know yet.)
*Summer Homework, all about Shakespeare
*New house, Goodbye Hogan Hello Hedman
*New teachers.
*New Groups
*More growth???
*Drama???
*The other kind of drama???
*New house???
*Driving????
Who knows.
I just want to say thank you. This has been an amazing and terrorizing experience. I will not forget all of it but I might block out most of it. I know that things are changing so quickly and that I've never been one to fall behind. But I welcome this new stuff. Maybe it will be amazing.
Who knows where I'm going from here, I could become famous next year, or maybe I'll end up dead. But whatever happens I'll do my best to keep you in the loop.
The song of the day is This is the End by Reliant K
As always,
Stay Classy.

Oh Dear Me How Times Have Changed

Hello fellow Internet Prisoners.

So It's been a major vacation since our last update and I appologise, I've been all caught up in my drama that I forgot what I love doing.
So quick update (s) about me:
-Currently grounded (again) Looking like June 10th relise date, but not sure.
-I got really low recently and I'm trying my best to get back up.
-Mom knows. Everything.
-I'm trying to transfer to Ayala High School (the one that Chloe goes to)

There is a whole lot that I want to talk about, because now I'm talking. I've been bottling lately and I feel like I'm going nuts. But I don't have time. I'm leaving school in twenty minutes to go to my sisters house to be prayed over or something. (Side note: still bitter about Mom wanting to banish my bad emotions with a little Religion.)
I'm going to try and start doing updates once a week from my phone, maybe every other Thursday (improv schedule?)I just miss talking about what's important to me. Which brings me to the biggest change that's going to be happening around here.
I'm Changing the blog name, the URL will stay until the end of the year but im changing that too. Or I'm thinking about after sophomore year just starting a new blog and leaving this one alone. But the name is changing, this isn't a sophomore fever. This is something completely different.

Now that I'm looking at a calender and I'm realizing that I have seven weeks of sophomore year left. And I'm thinking about all the things that changed this year. I've lost a lot of friends, and I've completely altered my homelife wiether or not I want to admit it. I've gotten a lot older this year, and I'm feeling the effects. I'm starting to put something in perspective, but others not so much...
This has been a huge year for me, my writing, my personality, my mental health. Just everything has changed.

But I'm still trying to stay as hopeful as possible.
Song of the day Do what you do by Cute is what we aim for.
Sorry the end is rushed.

All About the Music.

This is the playlist I made back at the start of the year and as we only have three months left I figured I'd finally release this. 

That's it for today, but we have big big news coming, so be warned.
And enjoy the tunes.

Leaving.

I am going to make this an open letter.
To all my friends at Ipoly.

I'm leaving after this year ends. The strain on me and my family has become to much, I need to go with my gut on this one, shutting down a lot of chances in the process.
Ipoly has been good to me, you have been good to me, and I am so extremely sad to go. There is a lump in my chest and tears in my eyes. Because I love I Poly more then anything. 
But I have to go.

To my friends.
How will I ever be able to express how hard it will be to leave you. I love you guys, even the people who I'm not super close to. Not being there everyday, not being in drama.... this is one of the hardest choices I've had to make. You kept me here, alive, and health. <3 I'm sorry.

Brooke Cooper.
Almost two years together. I want to cry because not seeing you, hugging you, or just being around you makes me sad. You've been a great friend to me and I wish that I wasn't doing this because I'm going to miss you so much. I'm so worried that you won't want to be my friend out of school because I wont be worth the effort. I hope that won't ever be true. (I hope that for Kyndra and Karina and Brooke Bailey and Bobbi, freaking Jacob and Maya and all the non sophomores too.) I love you, you've been like a big sister, best friend, platonic girl friend, to me since freshmen year. You were my first friend I ever made in high school and I'm so happy that I got to meet you. I hope that your "hunter senses" work over the Internet and various phone calls that will be exchanged between us.
( I seriously want to cry so hard right now I'm going to miss you so impossibly much I didn't think I would ever miss anyone this much other then Danny.)

<3 Song of the day is
Dammit by Blink 182
I guess this is growing up
As always,
Stay classy.

Levels are Hard.

Hello my darlings,
This stuff is hard, acting, reading, writing, being a person is hard. But still we all put impossible effort behind being and doing all this stuff that has such impact on our few trips around the sun. And although my grades are piss pour and the idea that I may not be able to stay with Ipoly next year is looming on the horizon. I still feel like there is hope for me. Hope that I can fix this mess and come out stronger on the other side. And although it's so not going to be easy, I want to be better. But I don't think I have the right motivation. You know when you have to do something because someone else is pushing you to that and you know that if you were doing it for you you could do it. Yeah, that's what I'm feeling right now.
I want to get out of this rut. It's all the same and I need to break out and do this for myself instead of being about pleasing others.
If I'm not pleasing my mother I'm trying to please my family or group or other family. I need to find the motivation to work for myself. So I'm going to set some goals.
RULES FOR CHANGE (goals, ideas to start living for myself)
Do stuff that I love without being afraid of what is thought of me.
Study the way I loved to. I have a thirst for knowledge.
Stop surviving and start thriving. We can do this.
Instead of doing work for a grade, do it for personal pride.
Be proud of what you're doing.
Follow your arrow where ever it points.

Song(s) of the day are Follow your arrow by Kacey Musgraves (I don't normally do country but this song is the exception.) and Once and for All from Newsies
As always,
We need to change this ending.

Growing up.

Hey Internet,
So it's a funny fact of life that eventually we will all have to grow up. Either you turn thirteen and are about to enter the threshold of puberty (which let me tell you, will not be fun.) Or you're eighteen about to make a life for yourself.
But sometimes you're a special case of someone whose coming of age came too quick. Call us early bloomers, old souls, or wise ones we know what's going on and how to deal with it. Well we know what's going on, how to deal with it is fuzzy at best.
Let me entertain your thoughts for a moment. I am sixteen going on seventeen (baby it's time too think... SOM? anyone? no... okay.) and I have been faced with the possible option of moving out on my own, finishing high school, all the while being responsible for my own living quarters. Now I'm not saying I'm not going to get any help, just that I'm going to have to be more self relent in the coming months.
To break it down in simple language, my grandfather may lose the house I am currently living in. Which isn't as bad as it sounds because gramps can support himself and his wife (Nana I think I've bitched about her before.) But he can no longer support Me, Mom, Mom's Boyfriend, Boyfriend's Kids, Baby Sister, and Himself and Nana. That's eight people by the way.
But instead of leaving me alone with my mother, grandpa has a few other plans. Now it's important to note that as of the current moment, January 28th 2014, nothing has happened yet. We are just planning for the near future and keeping events that may take place in mind. Some of these plans include getting me set up with a part time job, an apartment, and a roommate.
I'm not going to lie about being terrified. Honestly I didn't think this was ever even possible to happen. I've seen the high school coming of age movies. I live with my parents until senior year, I get the guy, and eventually graduate. This is so far from what I imagined sixteen being. And I literally have no clue how to go about this. I calculated the numbers if I were to get a part time job. I wouldn't make enough money to cover the deposit on an apartment, much less rent. And don't get me started on utilities and luxuries.
Plus my school is forty times more intense then other schools. Projects, group meetings, and being an adult with a job (or two it looks like?) As well as my damaged emotional state and pension for dramatics. Life as a sixteen year old adult doesn't look good to me.
Even after all of that mind crushing reality. The fact that I could get out of this toxic environment early is one of the best wishes I have ever had. My grandpa has done a lot for me, and he will continue to do so. But getting away from my mom and her bullshit and her boyfriends. Nothing in the world has ever seemed so worth \putting myself through hell for.
So this is what I'm leaving on. Growing up and all it's horrible charms.
Song of the day is Grow up by Paramore
As always,
Stay classy.

Of Sickness, Non-Updates, and Everything Else.

Hello fellow Internet people. With faces. or at least some sort of feature allowing you to view the multi-worded masterpiece being crafted before your very eyes.
*cough*
Okay so I haven't updated in forever and there is no excuse. I sorta just forgot for awhile and then when I thought about updating I didn't.
I'm majorly struggling with the idea that people can (and will, and have) act nice and like they are my friend and like I'm important to them. When in reality they hate me. This is a foreign concept to me. Back in grades 1-6th I was made fun of. grades 7-8 I was thought of as this brave outspoken.... I don't know savior. Spreading the message of goodwill to all men. ( I went to a christian school. sue me.) But now I'm introduced into this world of two faced people who I can never trust. Maybe it's just my image issues, but I started questioning what drama thought about me yesterday. "What if they really hate me. They say they miss/need/like me to my face but when I turn around I'm the 'annoying blonde girl who's too loud.'"
and it sucks.
I've also started thinking in the terms that I don't fit. Not that my weight is a problem or that my size is anything, but that I don't belong anywhere. Like I have my School Friends who I eat lunch with and talk with, a couple and a fellow single person and sometimes other people. And I don't fit with them. Sometimes I just don't feel like saying anything because it's dismissed. We all do it to each other.
And I'm not punk enough to be a punk rock rebel. I haven't been in enough shows or classes to be a drama expert. I'm not the smartest or the dumbest. I don't match with my new group. I don't fit. Even in my own family, I feel uncomfortable and like I shouldn't be there.
I don't fit.
I'm also really sick right now. Coughing, aches, runny nose, fever the whole shebang. It sucks because I missed my audition today because I didn't go to school.
Oh well, that just a part of my life right now.
Never feeling completely at ease, always checking over my shoulders.
Song of the day (and quite possibly the year) Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year By Fall Out Boy
As always,
Stay classy.

Well fuck.

Hi.

So I'm not grounded right now. But I might be soon. Whatever right? I've pretty much ignored everything I love to repent my sins, basically I've been trying to be perfect for my mother. Which is stupid. 

I'm going to be eighteen in two close years (seriously talk about counting down days.) and I need to learn the only person I need to please is myself. I had that down but then I got drawn back into this painful thought that I will ever have the fairy tale happy family. Mine is broken and it doesn't understand how to put love into the atmosphere. Mom isn't talking to me. She never does anymore. 

This is just a side effect of living. We are a cancer on the earth and the universe is radiology treatment attempting to rid the host of malicious cells. It hurts to know that things wont ever be okay between my mother and me. We are just a repeat of every poor constructed mother daughter relationship that's happened in my family history.

I miss my Dad. I wish he was here to guide me through the mine field, or at least crack a joke to ease the tension. I wonder if things would have been different had my dad not died. Would Mom be happy? Would I? 

I had a funny realization yesterday. When I was nine I didn't think I would live to twelve. And when I was twelve I was positive I wouldn't make it to eighteen. Here I am, two years away with the end in sight. I thought for sure I would have given into all the pain and suffering a long time ago. Hell I was institutionalized when I was thirteen and though "This is it, I'm done." And I stood and weathered the storm. 

I think that's a good place to end. Weathering the storm. 

Life sucks most of the time. So learn to love the rain.

Song of the day is Grand Theft Autumn/ Where Is Your Boy By Fall Out Boy

As always,

Stay classy.

CrAcking.

I think I've finally snapped.
I'm sad, and angry, and frustrated all at the same time. Nothing seems to be right. I'm restless, I didn't sleep until 7 AM last night. I'm ticked off at everything. Literally everything has been frustrating me as of the last few days, and there is nothing I can do about it. I want to fix everything. Just magically make all the sadness go away for a week or two. I know that can't happen without my friends.

My friends are the only reason I'm sane. I can promise that if they weren't here I wouldn't make this long haul. Maybe I would, who knows.

I miss writing every day. Even if I did just blabber about my day or me. It was good to see that people care, or are listing. I'm just a sixteen year old tragedy that happens every day. At least I have yet to cook meth or be shot. Or both, both would be bad. I don't even want to talk to my friends anymore. No, I don't want to reach out to them. It hurts admitting that I'm not strong enough to handle this one alone. I was when my Dad died. I was when Mom had another kid and got a new family. When she ditched our plan to be with an asshole. (Though she always did.) I was strong enough when she started drinking again.

But I can't do this alone. This soul crushing sadness that breaks me and cracks my perfect exterior. I just want a promise I can believe in. Someone I know is without a doubt on my side. But that's not how this works. I can't make a wish and have it come true. I have to fight hard, and dream.
I'm sorry there is no song of the day. I just don't know a song that, I lied.
Song of the day is Here Comes the Anxiety by The Wombats
Thanks for listing to me complain.
As always,
Stay classy.

Super F, Sad Faces, and Chicken Little Syndrome.

OK.
Here's the deal, I have a twenty seven percent in math at the current moment. I can get a fifty three if I do a revision for a science paper (more like when, also all classes at Ipoly are connected so a bad grade in one class is a bad grade in all of them.)
Instead of freaking out about it (like I have been for the last maybe two hours) I'm going to focus on getting good grades in all my other classes.
It's a lot like the economy in Greece. To fix the problem, first I must destroy it. So no, I will most likely not be getting outstanding grades in my math class,  but I am going to kick some serious posterior in my other classes.
This is going to be hard. And I'm most likely going to go a little crazy. But in all honesty that's what I'm good at.
I'm good at feeling and emoting and being insane and working. I love the challenge and the rush I get when I'm bad at something, but I finally understand it. I love working hard and getting things done. And I absolutely love projects. I need to stop zoning into the negative and start flushing out the positive.
So here's a list:
1) There is a way out of everything. Even if it's a Captain Jack Sparrow way out.
2) There is always, always, hope for the future. Not even psychic type Pokemon get the hit on the future every time.
3) Nothing lasts forever. Not pain, not school, not bad grades.
4) Did I mention there is always a way out? And most of the time it'll be a back road.
5) It doesn't matter if I call at four in the morning, or three in the afternoon, Danny will be there for me when I need him.
6) I have a full week to figure this plan out. To the last shiny detail of course.

I'm going to be okay. I'm always okay. I've never not been okay. I've been through death, destruction, grounding, bad grades, and terrible parents. This is nothing I haven't faced before. I've been fighting resistance, nearly my entire life. (Panic at the Disco) I'm a big o'l rainbow colored star. And I'm going to be extraordinary.
There was this old book that once told me that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
And I think that's pretty cool.
Song of the day is Can't Fight Against the Youth by Panic at the Disco
As always,
Stay classy.
Also there is going to be a theme change right now. I feel like it's time to pull us out of the dark and into something that represents the changes.
P:S do any of you have any ideas for extra credit for a tenth grade English class?

And I was doing so well.

Well, I have contracted the sads.
As well as the headaches and mild " let me just lay here and wallow in my own self pitty forever please because that would be so much easier then being human."
You know what I hate?
Being human. Really, it's not fun or useful. Being sixteen, you can't do anything but cry and wait to lose more friends. Or you could do drugs or drink and take the bite away. But it just sucks. Because there is literally nothing you can do. You're changing and they're changing and nothing is ever remaining. No one ever vocalizes how they feel or what they want. And if they do they are clingy and needy or bitchy.
It's sad.
I'm sad.
School sucked today. It was a very steady decline of meh to worse.

Here's to a better tomorrow.
Song of the day is Ghosts by Mayday Parade
As always,
Stay classy.

Don't You Dare Tell Me Not to Cry.

Dear "STEP-'father'" (I.E not my real dad, AKA no relation to me, Also known as, I so don't need this right now)
Are you serious? 
Really, you aren't getting all over me?
Not pushing? 
That is the most untrue statement I've heard all year. You are not my father you are not in charge of me. Stop, you are going to stop, now. I'm done taking your verbal abuse, and letting you try and control me via my mother. You are a pig, and you do not get to decide how I feel. You do not get to chose my reaction to you continuously telling me I'm not good enough. I cannot wait until I'm eighteen, because you are my new motivation to get out of this toxic house.
-Yours with malice, Hunter.

Hey fellow bloggers.
I'm sixteen, and I am done with the ritualistic verbal torture thrust upon me by my family. Or should I say the people I live with. I really have no real family. My "mother" has been absent in my life more more years then I care to count. My "step father" a misogynistic pig who tries to turn girls into decoration. My "grandmother" the woman I've called Satan since I was six. All the false siblings, and fake mothers, and broken pieces.

I will build a house, no, I will build a home. A warm space that exudes good vibes and radiates light like a prism. I know that for now I'm living in a horror show, but that's only temporary. One day I will be free to live and dream. I wont have to fight anymore.

I know this isn't school related, but it's me related. I love you guys, and writing to you has become a real time. I finally feel better outside of the house. I'm okay at school, I'm not worried about friends and my relationships with them. School, and the stress from school isn't the problem anymore. It's my home life.
WHICH SUCKS BALLS BTW!
anyhow, song of the day is Deja Vu  by Sleeping with Sirens
As always,
Stay classy.
P:S. I'm staying at Ipoly. There is no way that I could leave. Also, I became a vegetarian. Many a thing happens while i'm away.
Have a picture of a puppy to make up for it

Forgive Hunter... FORGIVE
HER!!!

Grounded

Hey Internet prison escape-ys
I'm on lock down at home and illegally using a school computer to update.
Viva la revolution
Anyways that whats the abnormal lack of activity is about,
love you guys thanks for sticking with me.
Okay so I gained some time between now and the next class. Mrs. Thinness went out to get cookie dough or something.
So I'm grounded because of my grades. I'm failing PE and Math. Awesomely enough, it's highly depressing.
I'm going to leave Ipoly, at least for second semester. I want to come back.
I'm also getting a counselor. And help. A lot happened while I was grounded.
As well as another adult saying my mother doesn't have the skills to be a mother.
Bec, my Aussie friend, has sent me a birthday present.
Also I'm sixteen now. So far it sucks.
Yeah.
A lot.
But that's just what's going on right now.
song of the day is love is war by all time low ft. Vic Fuentes
As always,
Stay classy.

An open letter to a person. (Sorry for the inactivity)

To Miss Thin. 

The biggest contributing factor in determining a countries Olympic standing is their population. I theorize that a larger population creates a bustling economy and helps create a larger buzz for the Olympics, bringing more money into the country. Another contribution of a large population is a diversity that smaller populations may not possess. Larger more diverse pools of athletes can create the best possible outcome for an Olympic sport. While at the same time a large population could be crippling. Bigger populations can decrease the chance of finding that all-star athlete that pushes a country to a gold medal.

To clearly explain my reasoning behind this, I have none. This is stupid. I don’t know how or why Olympic medals have anything to do with population. Or anything to do with that list you gave us for that matter. How does this help me in the future? Will knowing the Olympic results for Paraguay really help me on the SAT’s? No, it won’t. The problem is you are so used to giving us an assignment and having us be occupied with it no one would ask questions. Well I like to learn. And I am getting sick and tired of wasting an hour and a half of my life every day for a second vocabulary class.

Now here’s a real question. What is the correlation of students that have an NC in your class who love to learn? Because kids, teens, and young adults love to learn. So stop blaming your bad teaching methods on my class as a whole. Because it’s stupid. Problem is I can’t say any of this. I can’t say how shit I think your class is, or how I wish your over glorified vocab class would kindly go away. I do know that I have gone further over the word count writing a rant about your horrid class then I ever could have made if I was writing a legitimate response to your ridiculous question. Thank you.

With warm regards,

Hunter Baugus.

Oh My God It's So Cold, I Love It!

Hello Internet Puddle Chasers.
Today it rained, and yes it was amazingly awesome.
So story time (After I finish my..... let say.... science current event? yeah that.)
So I get out of Daly's not really knowing where all I'll be going. I hadn't seen Kendra, and I knew that Jacob and Brooke were going to be going on a "date" (It feels like saying "I saw mom and dad kissing, ewwwww!") So I began wandering, until I happened upon one of my most beautiful friends BB (that's Brooke Bailey for the normie term.) and decided to invite myself into whatever she was doing. ( I also tried to convince her to ditch her group meeting and come hang out with me instead.)
Her meeting got canceled, so I invited her with me again, except this time it was raining.
So we begin our walk to Vista, I wanted pie and a soda. Brooke got some cookies. It was a pretty chill shopping trip.
Until we wanted to go back to campus and it started pissing rain outside. I was already soaked and BB was in a skirt. So we laughed for a little while. About the situation, the rain, maybe some of the sad feelings we both felt, who knows. But we laughed and made an escape plan.
We ran to the comfort of another awning. Although it did jack shit because it just harder! It was amazing.
So we decided to throw all caution into the wind and maybe even enjoy it a little.
And we laughed again.
Once we got back on campus, we were soaked and cold and I at least was exhausted from walking. But we got back and it had stopped raining (BB and I had decided the god's were having a wet tee shirt contest, or maybe watching the new season of Supernatural.) There were hugs, and totally sweet worry from Liah who wanted me to take cold medicine so I wouldn't get sick.
But I wouldn't really mind it much, I had too much fun to mind.

Song of the day is Collar Full by Panic! at the Disco and The End of All Things by Panic! at the Disco
My words unspoken can be heard here (and possibly read here.)
As always,
Stay Classy.

Headaches and Good Intentions.

Hello Internet Denizens.
Today was so damn wonderful really I love waking up after minimal hours of sleep, forgetting an important project, getting lectured by my house teacher, and then coming home to a decently shitty environment. It's my favorite- that was Monday me everyone. Let's give her a round of applause.

Hello Internet Recruits.
I'm currently at home very much ill and exhausted. To commemorate that I will tell you what I did last night.

You ready?

I went to sleep.
That's it. So yeah I'm going to finish up the science homework that is due Thursday and possibly the current events due Thursday and Friday.
Because even though I'm not at school, I'm still able to feel at school!

Song of the day is Vegas Lights by Panic! at the Disco
As always,
Stay classy.

Updates from the editing room.

Hello fellow Internet educators.
I'm in film class right now, Jacob is sitting (well standing) Beside me telling me too call you fuck faces. Which isn't going too happen because I'd rather not.

My group is currently editing our film, so I don't have much too do. I'm just updating for the sake of it. I mean nothing has really happened today except my uninterrupted hatred of math. I swear too god that Mrs. T hates all of us or something. Because the patterns she gave us were complete bull.

I don't really know what all I should talk about, but writing gives me something too do. Plus I like it.

I guess I'll tell you a bit about my plans for today.
I'm going on a solo adventure. I plan on trekking up and attempting to find something too do. And hopefully not be attacked. because I am a very pretty girl walking around a scary collage campus by myself. It would be terrible if something was to happen too me.
Okay so it wouldn't be that bad, but still.


I don't really want too walk Up alone. But no one wants to come with me. So alone in the heat I shall go. Jacob is Brooke's boyfriend by the by.

I think i've mentioned that! oh yeah I did but there weren't any links.
Okay that's it from the editing room.
Song of the day is Bulletproof love by Peirce the Veil. (Thank Brooke.)
As always,
Stay classy.

Walks into my blog three days late with, you guessed it, Starbucks.

Hello Internet hooligans.
I see you little rebels out there breaking your updating schedules, little rascals. Wait, that's just me? Oh okay.

So you haven't really missed much in the last few days. I had some homework and took some twelve hour naps.

But you wanna know about the romance right? Well, I'll tell you.

It didn't go well. I tried going too lunch with him for three days in a row. All three days turned out to be a major bust. And yeah, it was a chip in my shoulder at first, but now I'm not so hurt. Busy lives make hard too reach people. Plus he's still a chill dude, and maybe we'll hang out in the same circles eventually.

I stayed after school today and got married. (okay this is a long story so put on your big person pants and sit down too listen.)

So in America gay marriage is illegal most places. And you have to be eighteen to get married.(I think, someone correct me if you want too.)
And recently, the government in the U.S. shut down. So my friend (now wife until the government comes back into order.) BB and I decided too get married! We had my friend Zuhyr marry us (Zoo-hair) and it was very beautiful.

I'm really freaking tired and have homework. Math, icky icky math. I'm sorry if you enjoy math. But it's gross.
Song of the day is Nicotine by Panic at the Disco
As always,
Stay classy.

Busy Bee Excuse.

Hello fellow Internet Procrastinators,

So I'm not going to have an excuse this time. We both know that I fucked up. Sorry.

But I can sum up the last few days in one word. Hell.

Being gone for two days has sent my grades into a tailspin and me into a frenzy. I am so busy trying to get caught up, that I completely spaced on catching you up. I feel like I need a major vacation from school, and I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving break.

But I'll be okay, I know I'm not doing so hot as a person right now. And I'm pushing people, and things I love, away. Apparently these are all symptoms of "Loose ends-itus." Okay, so we both know that's not a thing. It should be, but it's not.

School was hellish today, I'm so worried about getting perfect grades it's causing me too panic. Math is an excellent example of "What the fuck do I do here?" times. (P:s Did you know that fuck is the only infix in the English language. Pretty fanfuckingtastic, don't ya think?) I understood the things really basically but I wouldn't have been fast enough too finish it on my own, and I had too copy off a friend, after they made me prove I could do it. And I figured out a problem they didn't get.

Science is proving a challenge too.. an NC challenge but I think I can improve it..

Oh yeah, and I'm an asshole and hurt everything I hold dear, and Im thinking about just not trying to fix anything anymore.
Except school. Maybe I'll just stop having friends all together. Who knows....

I am in this melting pot of headaches and I don't know how to get out and maybe no one is reading this anymore because it's not like I'm talking important stuff anymore.
I'm cold.
Song of the day is R.I.P by 3oh!3
As always,
Stay classy.