Levels are Hard.

Hello my darlings,
This stuff is hard, acting, reading, writing, being a person is hard. But still we all put impossible effort behind being and doing all this stuff that has such impact on our few trips around the sun. And although my grades are piss pour and the idea that I may not be able to stay with Ipoly next year is looming on the horizon. I still feel like there is hope for me. Hope that I can fix this mess and come out stronger on the other side. And although it's so not going to be easy, I want to be better. But I don't think I have the right motivation. You know when you have to do something because someone else is pushing you to that and you know that if you were doing it for you you could do it. Yeah, that's what I'm feeling right now.
I want to get out of this rut. It's all the same and I need to break out and do this for myself instead of being about pleasing others.
If I'm not pleasing my mother I'm trying to please my family or group or other family. I need to find the motivation to work for myself. So I'm going to set some goals.
RULES FOR CHANGE (goals, ideas to start living for myself)
Do stuff that I love without being afraid of what is thought of me.
Study the way I loved to. I have a thirst for knowledge.
Stop surviving and start thriving. We can do this.
Instead of doing work for a grade, do it for personal pride.
Be proud of what you're doing.
Follow your arrow where ever it points.

Song(s) of the day are Follow your arrow by Kacey Musgraves (I don't normally do country but this song is the exception.) and Once and for All from Newsies
As always,
We need to change this ending.