Hello fellow Internet people. With faces. or at least some sort of feature allowing you to view the multi-worded masterpiece being crafted before your very eyes.
*cough*
Okay so I haven't updated in forever and there is no excuse. I sorta just forgot for awhile and then when I thought about updating I didn't.
I'm majorly struggling with the idea that people can (and will, and have) act nice and like they are my friend and like I'm important to them. When in reality they hate me. This is a foreign concept to me. Back in grades 1-6th I was made fun of. grades 7-8 I was thought of as this brave outspoken.... I don't know savior. Spreading the message of goodwill to all men. ( I went to a christian school. sue me.) But now I'm introduced into this world of two faced people who I can never trust. Maybe it's just my image issues, but I started questioning what drama thought about me yesterday. "What if they really hate me. They say they miss/need/like me to my face but when I turn around I'm the 'annoying blonde girl who's too loud.'"
and it sucks.
I've also started thinking in the terms that I don't fit. Not that my weight is a problem or that my size is anything, but that I don't belong anywhere. Like I have my School Friends who I eat lunch with and talk with, a couple and a fellow single person and sometimes other people. And I don't fit with them. Sometimes I just don't feel like saying anything because it's dismissed. We all do it to each other.
And I'm not punk enough to be a punk rock rebel. I haven't been in enough shows or classes to be a drama expert. I'm not the smartest or the dumbest. I don't match with my new group. I don't fit. Even in my own family, I feel uncomfortable and like I shouldn't be there.
I don't fit.
I'm also really sick right now. Coughing, aches, runny nose, fever the whole shebang. It sucks because I missed my audition today because I didn't go to school.
Oh well, that just a part of my life right now.
Never feeling completely at ease, always checking over my shoulders.
Song of the day (and quite possibly the year) Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year By Fall Out Boy
As always,
Stay classy.
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