Okay so I'm going to forget our normal greetings. There is no "hey Internet!" today.
I'm going to explain exactly why I didn't make any posts since Tuesday.
Okay to preface, I am physically okay, what has happened over the course of the last three days has not physically effected me (unless you count moderate soreness and head aches) My BioMom is at fault but there is nothing we can do about it. So please don't try reporting this anywhere. I don't figure anyone would but as a precaution, don't do it.
Now I've began using the term BioMom because the woman who gave birth to me is not who I identify as my mother. She was called Mom in many of my other posts, because I will not use her name in these for fear of her finding this blog. So she will be called BioMom from this point onwards. This doesn't mean I was adopted (BioMom is a term, as I understand, is commonly used by people who were adopted. I have simply disowned my BioMom and in my daily life I call her by her first name.)
On Tuesday night BioMom caused major drama. All had been well that day, school went awesome, I had gotten a few complements, and spent the day taking "Me" time. Just making sure I was okay. I had talked to a new kid, who for the first six months of school freshmen year I called "beanie kid." It was just an awesome day, even if I was a tad bit sad. Then I got home and my uncle had come to visit! How awesome was that, good day at school and my favorite sassy gay uncle was here to say hello. After talking with him for a solid thirty minutes, I gave him and BioMom some "adult time" to catch up. So I said "Hey, let's go see what the O'neills are up too!" (The O'neills are my old babysitters, they live like a house down from me. I think I've mentioned them before...) So I go over and I find, much to my happy surprise, JoeLove. JoeLove is a family friend to the O'neills and just a cool dude. And we had an amazing conversation about life and moving forward and doing awesome stuff!
So far the day sounds awesome right? Well I go home and I get told to take my shower, no big, I had requested first dibs anyway. Uncle Rainbow pulls me aside and we just chat for a little bit, because remember he was having "adult time" up until this point. (To clarify, adult time is time when BioMom talks to the people over eighteen because anyone under that certain number is an idiot in her eyes.)
We were having a lovely conversation, until Boyfriend comes into the room and starts yelling at me to (In his words.) "Get my fucking shit done,BioMom is irritated." Although I was taken back a bit, I complied. Taking my shower. While attempting to put on skinny jeans after a shower (Talk about impossible.) I hear BioMom screaming through the door, shouting for people to "Get the fuck out of my fucking room, you ungrateful little bitch." At this point I started to tear up, obviously she was talking about me. Then she started screaming at my uncle, who was trying to calm her down. She started screaming again about how she worked six days a week and no one did anything to help her and no one cared.
That's when I got upset. No one cared? Well excuse me while I stand here, fucked up by her constant drinking, smoking, depression, YEARS without a job. How I started to basically raise myself when I turned six. Because no one cares, I didn't stand by her and defend her and her life choices. I didn't grow up at seven to take care of her. Nope, because no one cares.
Then came more yelling. This time it's Nana. She's upset for some reason or another. Boyfriend comes into the room I share with his kid unannounced to yell at me to wash pans. But it wasn't my dish night, tonight was Autumns night. I expressed my confusion and he said "We can't tell whose they were so they are yours."
That made me mad. Really really angry. Now add that too the anger and upset from my mothers screaming fit and I'm filled. One more yell and I would burst. And guess who decided too make a snide comment? Nana. (Told you you would hear about them again.) She barks at me "If I can't see myself in those dishes, you'll do them again, I don't care about your homework." and that's it. I start whispering to myself the phrase "can you not?" and then I keep repeating it, and then I'm yelling it. And I can't stop. She then throws a remote at me and stomps off to her room. Boyfriend starts yelling at me and god, he's pointing his hands in my direction. And I can't stand it. He looks at me like I'm an idiot, like I have no brain function. Like I'm not human.
I throw down the pot that I'm washing, and run to my shared room to put on shoes and a cardigan. Then I run outside, quietly closing the door behind me. I call BB and silently scream out all my problems and cry. I'm walking around my neighborhood at nearly ten and I just don't know what to do. BB talks me down, way down. And I'm finally able to go back inside.
Now with that story out of the way and how very wordy I was with it think about that story just getting ten times worse everyday. Highlighted phrases from each days fights include.
(these will be bold-ed and caps-ed based on anger and VOLUME)
Wednesday: "YOU'RE JUST A STUPID TEENAGER."- Boyfriend
Thursday: "With all due respect, you may be dating my mother, but you are not my father."- me
Friday: "YOU ARE A DISAPPOINTMENT."- BioMom
Shit got real. And after that I didn't speak to my mom for four days, until Friday, when she told me what a terrible person I was.
So I decided I was done standing by her. And I'm done defending her.
And that's also why I wasn't posting. But there was some awesome shit to come this week too,
-I'm now varsity Improv (Thanks Andrew :D)
-I'm entering a fiction competition
-My group got an AP on our flag. Meaning we passed.
This weeks song of the week is It's Nice too Be Alive by Ball Park Music brought too us by BB
As always,
Stay classy.
And stay strong.
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