FINALLY.... a summer blog!

http://summerspaces.blogspot.com/
that's it, first post already preped and polished, more posts planned and ready to spring alive.
Get the answers you've been waiting for.
What happened with Ipoly?
Are you still single?
Are sharks really that cool? (psst the answer is yes)
Thank you for sticking with me and I hope you enjoy
:D
-xoHunter

This is the End.

Hello Friends.
So today  I have one day of sophomore year left.
This one was a doosy
I have been grounded, I've lost friends, made friends, made enemies, found out that teachers are never as evil as we make them out to be and I've done some growing up.
It all started with an amazing first week and the challenge to blog everyday this year.
I didn't hit the mark on that one. And that's what this year has been. Hit or Miss.
One big game of chance. And I'm tentative to say I came out the winner.
This has been a weird experience. Everyone has become more human, and situations have taken on a new charm. Honestly I don't think everything that's happened this year has been bad. I've become a new person. All about attempting to be me.
So with all that in mind here's next years forecast.
* I'm staying at Ipoly! (this is a very long and complicated explanation that might be updated on my new blog maybe. I don't know yet.)
*Summer Homework, all about Shakespeare
*New house, Goodbye Hogan Hello Hedman
*New teachers.
*New Groups
*More growth???
*Drama???
*The other kind of drama???
*New house???
*Driving????
Who knows.
I just want to say thank you. This has been an amazing and terrorizing experience. I will not forget all of it but I might block out most of it. I know that things are changing so quickly and that I've never been one to fall behind. But I welcome this new stuff. Maybe it will be amazing.
Who knows where I'm going from here, I could become famous next year, or maybe I'll end up dead. But whatever happens I'll do my best to keep you in the loop.
The song of the day is This is the End by Reliant K
As always,
Stay Classy.

Everything Got Weirdly Happy.

So the fact of the matter is I'm super grounded right now, but an elephant's trunk full of stuff has happened recently and I'm not sure why but a malestorm of happy harpys are brewing in my tummy. It could be the fact that I'm actually doing things right for once. Or maybe I'm excited for change. Change is sorta in the air once again.
So maybe a list is in order.
(But before that) Is it weird that I treat this very much as my diary as well as my story. This is my legacy of sophomore year. I want it to be so fabulous and honestly it sorta sucked. But that hasn't really mattered this few days. And I'm just figuring I'm more honest with complete strangers then some of my "best friends". Weird.
Okay here's the list of weird/cool events that have happened recently:
*still really grounded
*I drove a car. (And no one was injured!)
*I acted in a really cool show
*got my first kiss
*came out of the closet
*remade a really amazing friend
*discovered I can be more amazingly strong and epic then I give myself credit for
*apparently I'm moving in december
*and I figured out how to torrent stuff!!! Which has opened my eyes!
Yeah that's a list of events, and that's not even the half of it. Turns out, when you decide you're incharge of your happiness you really try and take charge. I'm even learning more songs on uku and I'm learning the guitar.
Being grounded makes me get hobbies.
Oh and I'm applying for a million different jobs. (That was a bit of a stretch. It's more like 1000 jobs xP)
Everything is crazy and slightly unstable.
I have a song of the day but I can't remeber the name, so just check out Forever The Sickest Kids. They rock.
As always,
Stay classy.

Oh Dear Me How Times Have Changed

Hello fellow Internet Prisoners.

So It's been a major vacation since our last update and I appologise, I've been all caught up in my drama that I forgot what I love doing.
So quick update (s) about me:
-Currently grounded (again) Looking like June 10th relise date, but not sure.
-I got really low recently and I'm trying my best to get back up.
-Mom knows. Everything.
-I'm trying to transfer to Ayala High School (the one that Chloe goes to)

There is a whole lot that I want to talk about, because now I'm talking. I've been bottling lately and I feel like I'm going nuts. But I don't have time. I'm leaving school in twenty minutes to go to my sisters house to be prayed over or something. (Side note: still bitter about Mom wanting to banish my bad emotions with a little Religion.)
I'm going to try and start doing updates once a week from my phone, maybe every other Thursday (improv schedule?)I just miss talking about what's important to me. Which brings me to the biggest change that's going to be happening around here.
I'm Changing the blog name, the URL will stay until the end of the year but im changing that too. Or I'm thinking about after sophomore year just starting a new blog and leaving this one alone. But the name is changing, this isn't a sophomore fever. This is something completely different.

Now that I'm looking at a calender and I'm realizing that I have seven weeks of sophomore year left. And I'm thinking about all the things that changed this year. I've lost a lot of friends, and I've completely altered my homelife wiether or not I want to admit it. I've gotten a lot older this year, and I'm feeling the effects. I'm starting to put something in perspective, but others not so much...
This has been a huge year for me, my writing, my personality, my mental health. Just everything has changed.

But I'm still trying to stay as hopeful as possible.
Song of the day Do what you do by Cute is what we aim for.
Sorry the end is rushed.

All About the Music.

This is the playlist I made back at the start of the year and as we only have three months left I figured I'd finally release this. 

That's it for today, but we have big big news coming, so be warned.
And enjoy the tunes.

Leaving.

I am going to make this an open letter.
To all my friends at Ipoly.

I'm leaving after this year ends. The strain on me and my family has become to much, I need to go with my gut on this one, shutting down a lot of chances in the process.
Ipoly has been good to me, you have been good to me, and I am so extremely sad to go. There is a lump in my chest and tears in my eyes. Because I love I Poly more then anything. 
But I have to go.

To my friends.
How will I ever be able to express how hard it will be to leave you. I love you guys, even the people who I'm not super close to. Not being there everyday, not being in drama.... this is one of the hardest choices I've had to make. You kept me here, alive, and health. <3 I'm sorry.

Brooke Cooper.
Almost two years together. I want to cry because not seeing you, hugging you, or just being around you makes me sad. You've been a great friend to me and I wish that I wasn't doing this because I'm going to miss you so much. I'm so worried that you won't want to be my friend out of school because I wont be worth the effort. I hope that won't ever be true. (I hope that for Kyndra and Karina and Brooke Bailey and Bobbi, freaking Jacob and Maya and all the non sophomores too.) I love you, you've been like a big sister, best friend, platonic girl friend, to me since freshmen year. You were my first friend I ever made in high school and I'm so happy that I got to meet you. I hope that your "hunter senses" work over the Internet and various phone calls that will be exchanged between us.
( I seriously want to cry so hard right now I'm going to miss you so impossibly much I didn't think I would ever miss anyone this much other then Danny.)

<3 Song of the day is
Dammit by Blink 182
I guess this is growing up
As always,
Stay classy.

War

So I've been away again, as is the norm, but in my travels through the last week somethings have been plaguing my mind.
Are people inherently good or bad?
A few reasons this thought process has been adopted is because we're reading Frankenstein in English. Let me tell you right now, Mary Shelley was not a very diverse writer. Also I hate everyone except the Creature (who I have named Adam because I can.) And also because we've been looking at more recent wars in history. Most notably the South Asian conflicts and the Vietnam war.
We had a veteran come in today and he talked about what it was like being on ground. We asked him about what it was like and what were some experiences he had. He gave a presentation, on one of the slides he had something about a "Kit Carson Scout." or the North Vietnamese solders who defected to the south. I asked about why they were called Kit Carson scouts and he replied that it sounded like it was from a western.
Later he opened it up to Q and A, I asked what his nickname was if he had one. There was a giggle through the class and he responded that his team were named after birds of prey. He listed off some names and we all shook our heads and smiled because that was "cool" to have some sort of calling name.
After the Q and A he had a memorial slide to the people who died in a battle he survived. The names he previously listed were all on this slide. This was the most upsetting thing to me.
We had heard that the North Vietnamese would enlist children to fight in these wars and I wasn't surprised because they do it today. He talked about holes in the ground filled with spikes covered in biological material as a form of booby trap. I wasn't surprised because I had seen it on movies.
But when he got to the final slide and listed off those lost, those birds of prey, I cried. Because this was the part of war that no matter how many videos your teacher shows you, or stats you read, you will never begin to understand the loss that affected those solders. We had only the slightest glimpse of it today, and it is a terrible fact that I wish no one would ever have to experience.
And it's made me thing that maybe at our core we are not made to love one another. Because to make anyone experience the total loss of people you protected, it's insane to me that is possible.
I'm still searching for a good answer to my question, and maybe I won't ever get there, but I'm closer to understanding it now then I was before.
I'd like to thank Colonial Cooper for coming and talking to my class today, and I'd like to take a minute to thank all of the veterans and service members who may be reading. Your job is not easy, and from what I have learned, one that is not often enjoyed.
There will be no song today, but I am going to link you to a good website to learn more about the veterans memorial for Vietnam. Vietnam Veterans Memorial
Thank you.

Levels are Hard.

Hello my darlings,
This stuff is hard, acting, reading, writing, being a person is hard. But still we all put impossible effort behind being and doing all this stuff that has such impact on our few trips around the sun. And although my grades are piss pour and the idea that I may not be able to stay with Ipoly next year is looming on the horizon. I still feel like there is hope for me. Hope that I can fix this mess and come out stronger on the other side. And although it's so not going to be easy, I want to be better. But I don't think I have the right motivation. You know when you have to do something because someone else is pushing you to that and you know that if you were doing it for you you could do it. Yeah, that's what I'm feeling right now.
I want to get out of this rut. It's all the same and I need to break out and do this for myself instead of being about pleasing others.
If I'm not pleasing my mother I'm trying to please my family or group or other family. I need to find the motivation to work for myself. So I'm going to set some goals.
RULES FOR CHANGE (goals, ideas to start living for myself)
Do stuff that I love without being afraid of what is thought of me.
Study the way I loved to. I have a thirst for knowledge.
Stop surviving and start thriving. We can do this.
Instead of doing work for a grade, do it for personal pride.
Be proud of what you're doing.
Follow your arrow where ever it points.

Song(s) of the day are Follow your arrow by Kacey Musgraves (I don't normally do country but this song is the exception.) and Once and for All from Newsies
As always,
We need to change this ending.

Growing up.

Hey Internet,
So it's a funny fact of life that eventually we will all have to grow up. Either you turn thirteen and are about to enter the threshold of puberty (which let me tell you, will not be fun.) Or you're eighteen about to make a life for yourself.
But sometimes you're a special case of someone whose coming of age came too quick. Call us early bloomers, old souls, or wise ones we know what's going on and how to deal with it. Well we know what's going on, how to deal with it is fuzzy at best.
Let me entertain your thoughts for a moment. I am sixteen going on seventeen (baby it's time too think... SOM? anyone? no... okay.) and I have been faced with the possible option of moving out on my own, finishing high school, all the while being responsible for my own living quarters. Now I'm not saying I'm not going to get any help, just that I'm going to have to be more self relent in the coming months.
To break it down in simple language, my grandfather may lose the house I am currently living in. Which isn't as bad as it sounds because gramps can support himself and his wife (Nana I think I've bitched about her before.) But he can no longer support Me, Mom, Mom's Boyfriend, Boyfriend's Kids, Baby Sister, and Himself and Nana. That's eight people by the way.
But instead of leaving me alone with my mother, grandpa has a few other plans. Now it's important to note that as of the current moment, January 28th 2014, nothing has happened yet. We are just planning for the near future and keeping events that may take place in mind. Some of these plans include getting me set up with a part time job, an apartment, and a roommate.
I'm not going to lie about being terrified. Honestly I didn't think this was ever even possible to happen. I've seen the high school coming of age movies. I live with my parents until senior year, I get the guy, and eventually graduate. This is so far from what I imagined sixteen being. And I literally have no clue how to go about this. I calculated the numbers if I were to get a part time job. I wouldn't make enough money to cover the deposit on an apartment, much less rent. And don't get me started on utilities and luxuries.
Plus my school is forty times more intense then other schools. Projects, group meetings, and being an adult with a job (or two it looks like?) As well as my damaged emotional state and pension for dramatics. Life as a sixteen year old adult doesn't look good to me.
Even after all of that mind crushing reality. The fact that I could get out of this toxic environment early is one of the best wishes I have ever had. My grandpa has done a lot for me, and he will continue to do so. But getting away from my mom and her bullshit and her boyfriends. Nothing in the world has ever seemed so worth \putting myself through hell for.
So this is what I'm leaving on. Growing up and all it's horrible charms.
Song of the day is Grow up by Paramore
As always,
Stay classy.

Nerdy Girl, Illness, and WTF School Projects?

I'm still sick, and now I'm on my period and everything sucks royally.
Well not everything, but let me outline to you my day.

• Ugh PE
• Ugh House (Learning about Ebola is literally the least pleasant thing I have had to experience today.)
• Yay drama, ugh I feel like crap. (Also huge thank you to Jenelle for being a goddess and giving me five bucks cause she's amaz-balls.)
• LUNCH
• UGH MARY SHELLEY YOUR PREFACE SUCKS BALLS.

But it does little to no good to dwell on the negative so let's go on the positive.

• I feel human today
• I got candy
• Pie for lunch
• I'm actually looking forward to school work

Speaking of drama. We are doing this really awesome play for Hogan('s? s? s'?) and although I didn't get the part I wanted, I do love the part I got. I'm playing the Nerdy Girl. And her lines are pretty rad. I feel really connected to her. I don't know, She only has like two lines I believe. But she's really cool (she also has no name so I'm going to call her Serena like Sailor Moon.)
Honestly I'm pretty good today. The work load is light but there, I got to listen to something that, although it bored me to tears, is actually pretty good once I go through and re-read it. It was just the narrators voice that was putting me to sleep.
Honestly my day has been pretty dull. And uneventful, but nice.
Song of the day Resolution by Matt Corby
As always,
Stay Classy.

Of Sickness, Non-Updates, and Everything Else.

Hello fellow Internet people. With faces. or at least some sort of feature allowing you to view the multi-worded masterpiece being crafted before your very eyes.
*cough*
Okay so I haven't updated in forever and there is no excuse. I sorta just forgot for awhile and then when I thought about updating I didn't.
I'm majorly struggling with the idea that people can (and will, and have) act nice and like they are my friend and like I'm important to them. When in reality they hate me. This is a foreign concept to me. Back in grades 1-6th I was made fun of. grades 7-8 I was thought of as this brave outspoken.... I don't know savior. Spreading the message of goodwill to all men. ( I went to a christian school. sue me.) But now I'm introduced into this world of two faced people who I can never trust. Maybe it's just my image issues, but I started questioning what drama thought about me yesterday. "What if they really hate me. They say they miss/need/like me to my face but when I turn around I'm the 'annoying blonde girl who's too loud.'"
and it sucks.
I've also started thinking in the terms that I don't fit. Not that my weight is a problem or that my size is anything, but that I don't belong anywhere. Like I have my School Friends who I eat lunch with and talk with, a couple and a fellow single person and sometimes other people. And I don't fit with them. Sometimes I just don't feel like saying anything because it's dismissed. We all do it to each other.
And I'm not punk enough to be a punk rock rebel. I haven't been in enough shows or classes to be a drama expert. I'm not the smartest or the dumbest. I don't match with my new group. I don't fit. Even in my own family, I feel uncomfortable and like I shouldn't be there.
I don't fit.
I'm also really sick right now. Coughing, aches, runny nose, fever the whole shebang. It sucks because I missed my audition today because I didn't go to school.
Oh well, that just a part of my life right now.
Never feeling completely at ease, always checking over my shoulders.
Song of the day (and quite possibly the year) Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year By Fall Out Boy
As always,
Stay classy.