Growing up.

Hey Internet,
So it's a funny fact of life that eventually we will all have to grow up. Either you turn thirteen and are about to enter the threshold of puberty (which let me tell you, will not be fun.) Or you're eighteen about to make a life for yourself.
But sometimes you're a special case of someone whose coming of age came too quick. Call us early bloomers, old souls, or wise ones we know what's going on and how to deal with it. Well we know what's going on, how to deal with it is fuzzy at best.
Let me entertain your thoughts for a moment. I am sixteen going on seventeen (baby it's time too think... SOM? anyone? no... okay.) and I have been faced with the possible option of moving out on my own, finishing high school, all the while being responsible for my own living quarters. Now I'm not saying I'm not going to get any help, just that I'm going to have to be more self relent in the coming months.
To break it down in simple language, my grandfather may lose the house I am currently living in. Which isn't as bad as it sounds because gramps can support himself and his wife (Nana I think I've bitched about her before.) But he can no longer support Me, Mom, Mom's Boyfriend, Boyfriend's Kids, Baby Sister, and Himself and Nana. That's eight people by the way.
But instead of leaving me alone with my mother, grandpa has a few other plans. Now it's important to note that as of the current moment, January 28th 2014, nothing has happened yet. We are just planning for the near future and keeping events that may take place in mind. Some of these plans include getting me set up with a part time job, an apartment, and a roommate.
I'm not going to lie about being terrified. Honestly I didn't think this was ever even possible to happen. I've seen the high school coming of age movies. I live with my parents until senior year, I get the guy, and eventually graduate. This is so far from what I imagined sixteen being. And I literally have no clue how to go about this. I calculated the numbers if I were to get a part time job. I wouldn't make enough money to cover the deposit on an apartment, much less rent. And don't get me started on utilities and luxuries.
Plus my school is forty times more intense then other schools. Projects, group meetings, and being an adult with a job (or two it looks like?) As well as my damaged emotional state and pension for dramatics. Life as a sixteen year old adult doesn't look good to me.
Even after all of that mind crushing reality. The fact that I could get out of this toxic environment early is one of the best wishes I have ever had. My grandpa has done a lot for me, and he will continue to do so. But getting away from my mom and her bullshit and her boyfriends. Nothing in the world has ever seemed so worth \putting myself through hell for.
So this is what I'm leaving on. Growing up and all it's horrible charms.
Song of the day is Grow up by Paramore
As always,
Stay classy.

Nerdy Girl, Illness, and WTF School Projects?

I'm still sick, and now I'm on my period and everything sucks royally.
Well not everything, but let me outline to you my day.

• Ugh PE
• Ugh House (Learning about Ebola is literally the least pleasant thing I have had to experience today.)
• Yay drama, ugh I feel like crap. (Also huge thank you to Jenelle for being a goddess and giving me five bucks cause she's amaz-balls.)
• LUNCH
• UGH MARY SHELLEY YOUR PREFACE SUCKS BALLS.

But it does little to no good to dwell on the negative so let's go on the positive.

• I feel human today
• I got candy
• Pie for lunch
• I'm actually looking forward to school work

Speaking of drama. We are doing this really awesome play for Hogan('s? s? s'?) and although I didn't get the part I wanted, I do love the part I got. I'm playing the Nerdy Girl. And her lines are pretty rad. I feel really connected to her. I don't know, She only has like two lines I believe. But she's really cool (she also has no name so I'm going to call her Serena like Sailor Moon.)
Honestly I'm pretty good today. The work load is light but there, I got to listen to something that, although it bored me to tears, is actually pretty good once I go through and re-read it. It was just the narrators voice that was putting me to sleep.
Honestly my day has been pretty dull. And uneventful, but nice.
Song of the day Resolution by Matt Corby
As always,
Stay Classy.

Of Sickness, Non-Updates, and Everything Else.

Hello fellow Internet people. With faces. or at least some sort of feature allowing you to view the multi-worded masterpiece being crafted before your very eyes.
*cough*
Okay so I haven't updated in forever and there is no excuse. I sorta just forgot for awhile and then when I thought about updating I didn't.
I'm majorly struggling with the idea that people can (and will, and have) act nice and like they are my friend and like I'm important to them. When in reality they hate me. This is a foreign concept to me. Back in grades 1-6th I was made fun of. grades 7-8 I was thought of as this brave outspoken.... I don't know savior. Spreading the message of goodwill to all men. ( I went to a christian school. sue me.) But now I'm introduced into this world of two faced people who I can never trust. Maybe it's just my image issues, but I started questioning what drama thought about me yesterday. "What if they really hate me. They say they miss/need/like me to my face but when I turn around I'm the 'annoying blonde girl who's too loud.'"
and it sucks.
I've also started thinking in the terms that I don't fit. Not that my weight is a problem or that my size is anything, but that I don't belong anywhere. Like I have my School Friends who I eat lunch with and talk with, a couple and a fellow single person and sometimes other people. And I don't fit with them. Sometimes I just don't feel like saying anything because it's dismissed. We all do it to each other.
And I'm not punk enough to be a punk rock rebel. I haven't been in enough shows or classes to be a drama expert. I'm not the smartest or the dumbest. I don't match with my new group. I don't fit. Even in my own family, I feel uncomfortable and like I shouldn't be there.
I don't fit.
I'm also really sick right now. Coughing, aches, runny nose, fever the whole shebang. It sucks because I missed my audition today because I didn't go to school.
Oh well, that just a part of my life right now.
Never feeling completely at ease, always checking over my shoulders.
Song of the day (and quite possibly the year) Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year By Fall Out Boy
As always,
Stay classy.